atthequillsmercy: (FAIL)
My stupid ass is back in debt again. 9_9

See, I'm not one of those "Good Debt, Bad Debt" sort of people. I'm just like my Ma: I hate owing anyone money, EVER. I pay my credit card balances in full, my bills when I get them in the mail (as long as I have the cash to do it) and I refrain from borrowing money flat out from friends or family. Just leads to trouble I do a great deal of preparation to avoid.

Today, we signed the papers for the mortgage to put the second floor on our house. A thirty year mortgage. I've never owed so much money for so long in my entire life. @_@ 

So, in my head I'm thinking fuck tendonitis, I need to write and crochet my little heart out to have books and needlework to sell to pay for all this and still have this second kid my uterus is screaming for. 9_9 I'll be paying a mortgage and sending kids to college at the same time! WEE!!

For the luvva gods, somebody buy the books!! XD

UGH!!

Jun. 30th, 2010 07:59 pm
atthequillsmercy: (FAIL)
So I'm sitting here, typing up my hard copy of Greenhouse and - I'm sure every writer says this at some point but - this sucks. Big time. Now, I knew this going to be a lot of work because this part of the hard copy I wrote during NaNoWriMo and it's more brain vomit than polished prose but WOW.

It's so bad, I'm not even THINKING of editing it right now. There's just no point. Besides, in a certain mood, cleaning up and fleshing out scenes is really fun. Even the really difficult ones are like a puzzle and it gives me this great "ah HA" moment that's completely worth the work. :)

That said, I better get back to it.

SLUMP!!

Jun. 30th, 2010 03:09 am
atthequillsmercy: (Lenore)
I'm having one of those spells where I spend more time staring at the wall than writing. I crank out a couple choice sentences and then nada.

I'm sure my inspiration will strike at a completely inopportune time. Until then, I suppose I'll keep editing and typing up what I've written. Somehow, typing up what I've written always shakes something loose.

And don't ask me how the website is coming along. I'll get there. :p
atthequillsmercy: (Lenni)
If it’s one thing women are supposed to be able to do insanely well, it's hold a grudge. Hell hath no fury and all that crap (I have more respect for the classics than I let on, just bear with me here). But forgiveness is another matter.

This is on my brain because sometimes I really sit back and remember all the really stupid things I've done over the course of my life. I try pretty darn hard not to do things deliberately to hurt people so if I do, I feel absolutely HORRIBLE about it. I don't mean: "Yesterday, I stepped on someone's foot and neglected to say sorry." I mean "I did something silly like mention my husband's double cheeseburger habit to a family of Orthodox Jewish friends YEARS ago and when it pops up in my head, I am nearly in tears with guilt." Ridiculous, right? I should have forgiven myself when those people in question quite frankly didn't give a shit what other people ate but to this day, I have a twinge of guilt.

Right now, I'm working on a part in Greenhouse where the reader will probably have a devil of a time forgiving Auris for what he's allowed to happen; so getting Darjeeling to forgive him in a believable way will be difficult. With the nature of forgiveness on my creative mind, it stands to reason it would flood into the rest of it, as well. I've hurt a girl, I've been the hurt girl. In both cases, those are tears I will never forget. In the former remembering those tears is like a knife to the heart. In the latter, I want a knife in my hand. T_T Neither of these people are going to leave my life, so what do I do? This is made especially difficult since I have issues dealing with my own feelings in a healthy matter overall. Mama taught her little Lenni that life's too short for feelings. You pick your shit up, keep working, and keep going because tears don't pay the damn bills. You cry when you have time. Great for keeping lights on, backs clothed, and bellies full. Not so great in the "Now let's write about feelings" department.

This is one of those self help deals that takes a long time to work through and there is no way in hell I am holding off on writing the story to wrap my head around this (just after breaking though my block? Are you kidding me?!) so any advice would be appreciated. @_@

(and I had pasta salad for lunch today!! XD)

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