atthequillsmercy: (Default)
My weekend of fun was indeed much fun but not so much in the way of work really got done. XD Me and my friend had out own private wine tasting in our awesome room. While we enjoyed some of the fine (and not so fine) wines that Long Island has to offer, we ate cheese and Triscuts, she watched the last season of True Blood and I did more wine enjoying that writing. I even have a very proud wine stain on the page where I believe I completed an entire sentence. :p

This is also the first time I've really been near entire episodes of True Blood. It was season two and I really have to wonder when they have time to shove in a plot between all the sex they were having! I overheard more sex in those few episodes than I really believe I've had in my entire life. Ever. One MUST believe a vagina just gets tired, ya know?

Anyway, I returned home to the same child who didn't miss me at all and frankly barely cared I was gone. 9_9 So, I was easily able to make up a page or so after I got back since she wanted nothing to do with me. I have been told this is a phase but still, hearing her say "I don't like you. Go away! I don't want you!" is very much akin to being stabbed in the heart. I did warn her that she shouldn't say such things to her mother so close to her birthday but toddler rage is swift and absolute.

The worst thing about trying to fit my creativity in around what little time I have with my daughter was having to hear that she hates my writing. You may be surprised at how profound a near three year old can be. She hates my writing because she rather me spend time with her. The flip side is how she does treat me when she has all my attention (see above paragraph). Now, I would love, love, LOVE to involve her with my writing or just have her head on one knee and my notebook on the other. But I don't get work done. She fidgets, demands water, or insists I write her name all over the page. History will be very intrigued by scans of my original manuscripts, let me tell ya. XD

Since her birthday is next week, I have taken several days off from Day Job and will try to sneak in a page or two while she refuses to be interrupted during Sesame Street. Yes, my kid watches TV. That may be part of why she has such an amazing vocabulary and makes up these wild stories. 0.0 Then again, she may indeed be her mother's daughter. ;)

On that poor parenting note: Off to writing and perhaps a little sketching. We'll see.
atthequillsmercy: (Default)
There is just a point where you give it up. You're staring at the page, wondering where those last two hours went and why the paper hates you so very much. This occurred last night. Sometimes you really have to just accept the writer's block and call it a night before you kill someone in frustration.

I'll admit it, I had a short temper with a certain little girl who refused to sleep in a very reasonable expression of toddler behavior. Blocked creativity can do that to a lady. I'm doing better today but honestly, there are just times where I have to tell my daily word goal to "suck it," and do whatever I can.

For lunch today: Salad with lemon juice and olive oil. You're gonna get these updates till the snarkiness is out of my system. This could take awhile. ;)
atthequillsmercy: (Default)
Who indeed!

I plan to watch that documentary tonight and reading the promos and looking at books along the same lines and it's got me thinking: I don't see much on women who have kids, work full time, and THEN try to cram their creative outlets in any spare few seconds they can find. Not that I'm the type to go scraping at new frontiers or look down on stay at home moms who try and fit their art in around their kids, but working full time with kids AND striving to keep your creative fire is an entirely different kettle of fish.

Who who the hell do I think I am? Ballz out, I want to say, "Whoever the fuck I want, bitchez!" Ahhh, if only life were that simple. First off, I LOVE my job. I don't want to quit. In fact, the thought of quitting my job to pursue my dream is shooting myself in the foot. Librarianship is PART of my dream. It helps me be who I am as much as writing and drawing so why the heck would I give it up? And d00d, all the books I can get my grubby little hands on for FREE! I'd be stupid to give this up. Second, I don't DO stay at home mom. I practically went batshit crazy on maternity leave and that was even with the hope of going back to work. You think the Lenni is crazy NOW, she'd be Yellow Wallpaper crazy under the yoke of housewifery. Other women can do it, I can't. I like having a career. It makes me feel independent and useful.

I get a LOT of questions from other women in my life asking me how I was able to complete a novel, start another one, write a bevy of short stories, keep a full time job, have a side business, draw, and all the while being around the kid enough for her to still remember what I look like. And I have no idea. To try and figure that out (and as a cheap gimmick to pry more blog posts out of me) I'm starting Mommy Monday. The lovely trials and tribulations of how the bloody hell I manage all this with out being on mood elevators or booze.

There are many times in my life where I really just sit and wonder if there are any other women like me who not only have a Third Shift; but a fourth or quite possibly a fifth. If you find any, point them the way here. I'd certainly love to know who they are.

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atthequillsmercy

July 2011

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